Friday, April 24, 2015

 

Additions To The Funeral Speech For My Mother-in-Law Pearl - How It Might Help You


Speech Draft And Suggested Revisions
I sent the first draft of my funeral speech to Gil at HOD Toastmasters, a very experienced speaker. She said, 'Don't I just say that Pearl was happy, but give concrete evidence, for example, that she always smiled, or told you that she was happy.'

After the funeral, I carried the printed version of my funeral speech to show to those unable to attend.  I was hoping to find corroboration of what I had said, or further facts and insights.

Pearl's Exercise Routine Corroborated
Pearl had told me, "I used to touch my toes." I was not sure whether she had shown me once, or whether I had imagined it.

Sharon, a manager of Heath House, care home, said of Pearl:

"When she first came in she used to show us how she could touch her toes - and all her exercises."

There was my evidence.

Drinking In Moderation

Sharon read what I had said about Pearl not drinking except for a glass of sherry. Sharon said,

"She used to have a sherry at the Blue Check restaurant (where residents would have an outing for lunch on Wednesdays). She also had a sherry here. (At Christmas parties)."

"She told us about her (late) husband David. She said he was a good man. And that he'd been a hairdresser, and barber. She remembered a lot about the past. She answered the questions in quizzes.

"Yes, she loved music. She liked the tambourine you shake with your hand inside it and it lights up in time with the music. As soon as she heard music she lit up. She made residents happy with her singing.

"The turning point was her last fall. She had two falls in quick succession. But she'd recovered from her earlier stay in hospital. She was strong. She was a fighter.

"She was always talking about Anthony, who used to come and take her out on Saturdays in his car. At first I thought he must be her son. Then I realised he was her grandson.

Pearl's Friendships & Socializing
Pearl's son, Trevor, said: "When she lived over the road at Home Cedars, she had started refusing to mix with the other ladies downstairs. (She became reclusive.) Then after she moved into Heath House, where she knew nobody, she was really keen to see her old friends and invite them over."

Pearl's Sister Darling Daphne
I mentioned, "Pearl kept the photo of her late sister Daphne in her room. Pearl stayed friends with Daphne's widowed husband's second wife, Ruth, the step-mother of her nieces. Ruth, Pearl's sister in law, a dark-haired lady, used to visit Pearl here."

Sharon remembered, "Yes, I remember Ruth coming to visit Pearl."

I said, "Ruth had worked at a hospital. That's where she met her husband."

Pearl's Brother-in-Law Ken
Trevor explained: "Ken was an orderly at Slough hospital, like Ruth. He just worked in the hospital, never travelled overseas by plane. He'd been a rear-gunner in the war (WWII). Rear gunners were at the back of the plane and enemy aircraft pilots would approach from the behind and shoot at them at the back of the plane. Rear-gunners had a life expectancy of two weeks."

Pearl's Carers
Another member of staff said goodbye to Sharon and as she left, patted Sharon's arm. I had noticed how chatty and cheerful and tactile all the staff are. I suppose you have to be that type, ready to help the elderly to walk along the corridor, take their arms, help them out of their wing armchairs, back into high dining chairs, or into their beds, reassure them.

Pearl had been in the Nightingales care home for nine years.

***

Where To Spend Retirement
On the way home, we discussed where we would like to end our days, You could sell your home and holiday on cruise ships for ten years, with all the food, cleaning, travel, company, drinks between meals, and doctor and hospital on board. Even get buried at sea. Or live in a hotel.

Coping With Other People's Alzheimer's
You have to be very patient to deal with people who need to be persuaded to come to the table to eat, and go to bed. Who keep repeating the same questions. Who can't remember your name.

Compared to some of the inmates who ended up shouting non-stop, sat sullenly, or did nothing but hug a doll, Pearl with her smile, dancing and singing must have been a delight, relatively speaking. I am sure the care home staff are genuine when they say, "We will miss her."

Sharon sighed and said, 'I 'lost' four people last weekend, in addition to the six between Christmas and the Monday when Pearl died. But there's a waiting list, the rooms will soon be filled again." For the staff at Heath House, the daily duties of caring for those who need care will go on.

If you had to go into a care home, judging by the way they cared for Pearl, I would recommend Heath House. I am happy that Pearl spent her final days amongst such caring people.

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