Saturday, August 05, 2006

Chat up lines
What are the best chat-up lines? I am sent lots of newsletters on life coaching and psychology and dating all telling me how to improve my life and occasionally asking for feedback. Today I read a complimentary e-letter from David deAngelo and if you want to read it go to His latest letter inspired me to reply:
One reason why the 'are you single line' does not work is that a lot of women are separated or divorcing. These women want company, dates - and sex, eventually - but strictly speaking are not 'single'. A widow isn't 'single' either. She may not want to go into a lengthy explanation with a stranger.

Who Pays For The Dinner Date?
I agree that asking a woman her opinion on anything is a good opener. However, tread carefully about asking her if she wants to pay the bill. Maybe what you are saying about women paying applies to twenty-year-old New York women but it does not apply to second time around women in London, nor women of any age in most of Asia.
A successful woman who bosses men about at work also wants a man to take charge for a change. I want my male companion to be taller than me and able to hail a taxi.
In any drama, from a hurricane on honeymoon to a holiday in a country which turns into a war zone, I want him to get me out of trouble.
I'm an older woman, an ex-pat, used to the ex-pat lifestyle. I like eating out and I like a guy who opens doors and carries the luggage and drives the car.
Financial surveys show that most men earn more than women. We'll have a better time on his budget than on mine.
If a guy asks me to pay for myself, I assume he is mean.
If you split the bill it looks as though you are on business, not a date. The waiter in the UK usually gives the man the bill.
If you take turns paying, when an older woman pays for the man, it looks like she is with a gigolo.
I ask myself, where will he be if we have a child which needs looking after? When I had threatened miscarriages I had to give up my job and relied on my husband for support.
I've met a lot of married men who have handicapped children. I've also met men, and women, who are supporting teenagers and older children through college, or drug rehab, all sorts of financial responsibilities. I don't want a man who is not able, or not willing, to support a wife and child. He is spending his money on himself or his mistress rather than his wife. He is not reliable financially, nor morally.
Maybe younger women want to pay their own way but I want a man to keep me in the same style as my husband.
When I invite a girlfriend out I want to pay for her. If a man invited me out and wanted to me to pay for myself I'd think, he wants free sex.
If a guy wants me to pay for myself, I conclude that he doesn't really like me.
When my girlfriends and I go out we are always trying to pay for each other. Once we actually tore the bill in half, both trying to take it.
A guy who doesn't want to pay the bill, or even raises the subject of my paying, does not get a date with me.
A much better line is for a man to ask if I know any good restaurants I can recommend. Then ask if I'm free for dinner.
At dinner, make it clear to your guest, ' This is my treat. Order whatever you want. Enjoy yourself.'
If a man is chatting away already in a neutral situation and knows the women is 'single', he could ask about films or plays or exhibitions, find a film, play or exhibition she hasn't yet seen, and wants to see, and offer to take her to see it.
My other advice is arrange a second date before you try to kiss a woman goodnight. Then you already have her goodwill. She knows you care for her friendship and like her company whether or not you get sex. She knows you are not just after a one night stand.
Of course I don't speak for every woman. Only for my type. But it's no use chatting my type up with lines you use for the other type. You need to know about both.
I am a freelance journalist. You may quote my comments from the above section on Chat up lines and Who pays for the dinner date? providing you use my name.
If you quote me I'd be glad to know. And if you want, I'll send you more you can quote.

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