Angela Lansbury Speeches and Making Speeches

My Club Experience As An Evaluator

I have been a project evaluator at many meetings, and an evaluator of table topics. (To enlighten those who are not Toastmasters, table topics are impromptu speeches, lasting two minutes. The subjects used to often be picked from the table at a physical meeting. Nowadays more often table topics are on a theme, on a numbered set of mystery slides when online). 

In a contest, every contestant receives the same topic.

My Contest Experience As A Judge

I have also been a judge and a tie breaker judge at many contests. 

I came second in an evaluator contest at Division  level, which is the third level, club, area, and then Divison. So I have given many speeches, judged many speeches, and listened to others giving prepared speeches, impromptu speeches and evaluations. (My win was on Saturday March 19th, 2022.)

My Experience As A Speaker

I have been a Toastmasters Member since 2004. I achieved  and have completed all 11 Pathways, each of which has 14 projects. Total 154. A few of these involve giving two speeches. Add 5 speeches per pathway. Another 55. About 200.

I have also attended several club officer trainings, workshops.

And watched the prize winners on YouTube.

What have I learned about table topics, and the winners and runners up and participants who weren't placed and judges?

1 The Questions

Great Questions - Challenging Questions

Cultural Questions - and Complicated Idioms

Americanisms - such as cookout

Watch out for words such as cookout. Unknown in the UK. Most of the world calls it a barbecue. In North America they have one word for food eaten and cooked outdoors, which is cookout, which is often cheap food such as hamburgers. However, it is different in the Deep South of North America. For them a cookout is exclusively cheap hamburgers and sausages. A barbecue is grander and lasts longer. A whole animal is roasted all day long, beef or pork, cometimes chicken as well. Deck chairs are provided to sit around - a grand occasion. Southerner invited to a BBQ expects solid meat, not cheap cuts mixed up with fat and bread. 

We had one question, if you were invited to a cookout, what would you bring. I thought the first contestant was asked, if you were invited to cookout, what would you bring. 

I could tell by the delay in answering that the people were considering. One responded: I don't know what a cookout is. When invited to a social event, I always take perfume. " I thought she mean as a gift. No. She continued, "I like to wear perfume to be sure I smell good. I would not want anybody to say, "Oh, you smell terrible."

Oh, dear, I thought. This is supposed to be a discussion of food. It has turned into a talk on body odour.

However, she continued, 'I would make sure that I wore something good. I have read that the best thing to wear is a smile. To sum up, I would always bring a smile and perfume."

In my opinion her answer was the most amusing and original.

I would have discussed how American and British English languages differ.

Let's look at other difficult questions.

2 The Disasters

At a Toastmasters meeting what could go wrong? Sometimes, as Language evaluator, I have photographed myself against a drawing of the Word of the day. Unfortunately, the text is reversed left to right. 

Seeing Red

You start with a welcome slide. It is in the club colours. Red. Unfortunately this signals 'stop' to all the speakers. 

Birthday Sounds At Country Club

We booked a country club. The country club asked: 'Do you need microphones?' 

The president over-ruled my cautious view that we should have them. He said, "We don't need them. We are Toastmasters."

On the night, the venue, which had told us we were the only booking, had two late bookings, one for a birthday and the other for a wedding.

Happy Birthday

The birthday party started singing Happy Birthday To You in chorus in the middle of a novice speaker's speech. The birthday party were happy. The contest speakers next door were unhappy.

After that, the wedding group started playing dance music.

Weddings. What could go wrong? Music? Dancing? Music?

MC At Wrong Wedding

At a hotel we had a French group visiting. 

I offered to translate.

We welcomed on stage a man in a red coat. 

I translate. I had a speech on wedding customs and I was dressed in white.

I translated, He says, 'What a pleasure it is to preside over our wedding. Where is the bride?"

I smiled, I said, 'He is speaking in French. He has a great sense of humour. He thinks I am the bride."

He insulted me, "You are the bride's mother? Mademoiselle Mathilde Lebranc. Grand ballroom." 

I told him, "Small ballroom. Wrong room. Pas ici.Not a wedding. Pas un mariage ici."

Candle Alight For Baby Blessing

Then our Hindu guest gave a speech about blessing his newborn baby. He walked around the table three times, after lighting a fire on the table. I didn't like this. The flames grew higher and higher. Then the fire alarm went off.

You could not hear anybody. Security appeared at the door. Everybody out. 

The fire brigade sirens appeared. 

An entire wedding group evacuated the restaurant. We waited half an hour.

The chef looked woebegone. I said, "sorry about that."

He said, "We have to cook the whole thing again."     

Upside Down

One contest speaker spoke upside down.

Mute

A test speaker was on mute.

The speaker could be heard clearly, but we saw the ceiling.

Not Seen

Another speaker spoke clearly. But we could see only the carpet.

Sports Centre

Another contest in the UK was in a health centre. At half past the hour the classes changed over. A parade of women - wrapped in towels - walked past the back of the improvised stage. 

The male master of ceremonies was open mouthed. He looked like he was watching a tennis match. 

He kept recovering, then another woman appeared, clutching a slipping towel.

Children's Ballet Class

Another Toastmasters meeting above a pub in London ran over time. 

A ballet class had booked the room. As the president tried to present the best speaker award, little seven-year-old girls filled up the spaces around the outside of the room. They took off their coats, and dresses, and revealed their ballet costumes. They took off their boots and revealed their tights. They began their warm up stretches.

The President continued talking, not the least bit distracted. He was the only person not distracted. 

Our meeting video was still running. I prayed, 'President, please stop the meeting We are about to be arrested by the police.'

Such is life. If I didn't attend another meeting, I would still have a lifetime's memories and stories.

I would love to win this contest. But winning or not winning a contest, is just one wave, in the ups and downs of life. If your favourite doesn't win, there's always another year. Learn from other people's mistakes.

If your family is watching, I apologize. I am going to tell you two things, which are - uh! - a little rude.

 If I do proceed to the next round, hope I shall remember to remove the lapel microphone before going to the toilet. One speaker didn't. During the interval, we heard tinkling, and flushing. She came back, beaming, ready to start her speech, and said to the stoney faced chairperson, 'What's the matter - am I late?'

The chairperson said, "I'll tell you the problem, later.'

Another contestant unmuted and told her, "Your lapel microphone was broadcasting to us from the toilet."

The French Prince's Revelations

The French Prince who showed us group of journalists around his chateau. He said we had only time to see the front.

 I insisted, We must see the back, absolutment. 

He told everybody, I hope you liked the front of the house. Angela has insisted on seeing my backside.' 

I muttered, backside is what you sit on. You mean the back of the house. 

He did not understand me. But said, 'Angela definitely wants to see my backside. You can sit here and rest, while Angela follows me to see my backside.'

Table Topics Challenges

You are sometimes asked daft questions: what colour would you like to be? Which animal? (I'm not Hindu.)

What is your greatest fault? 

I'm not telling you that! 

If you insist. My greatest fault is avoiding answering the question.

Sex

What is the best sex you have ever had? 

I can't remember. 

Never mind the past. Let's talk about tonight!

Contraception

At one contest, the challenging question was,

"How would you advise your boy scouts to use contraception - without describing any body part, nor using any technical term?" 

The winner said, 

"Boys, if you bought a new car you were very proud of, you would keep it covered by a waterproof jacket to protect it. When you mature as a man, you have a new gift, a body part, which you are very proud of, so you must always protect it, with a waterproof jacket."

Satnavs 

I arrived late, with the help of my satnav, which I removed from the car so it would not get stolen. I sidled into the front row and sat down. As the proceedings resumed, they were interrupted by a robotic voice from my tote bag: 'You have reached your destination!'

The Hobby Horse Neighing

I gave a humorous speech about fear, using as my props a scarecrow and a horse which neighed when you pulled the ear. The trouble was, I forgot whether you pulled the left ear or the right ear, whether you pulled once or twice. I got the horse to neigh. Then I resumed my speech and it neighed again. I turned it off. Silence. I pressed again to be sure and it weighed again. In the end, I had to race over to the waste bin in the far corner where it continued neighing to itself at intervals. My horrified expression and the constant neighing had the audience in stitches.

Water

On a serious note, a recent table topic was, be like water, adapt. Of the six contestants, two of them identified the fact that the quote was from Bruce Lee. I had forgotten that, although I have written two books of quotations, and Bruce Lee is one of my favourite film stars and heroes. 

I often use the judging forms to judge a speech, whether of not I am the real judge. It is good practice for when you are a judge, and reminds you of what to do in contests when giving a speech. I gave them both as extra point for identifying the quote.

Water

Some of the speakers talked about water and how changing the course of water affected the landscape and flooding. Others talked about being in Toastmasters. I was listening for somebody to explain the transition or link between water in a river, and human life. I was also listening out for a personal story. Not just a lot of generalising.

'Of course, this is good. This is what we should all do. I agree with this statement. This applies to everybody." 

These statements could apply to any question and could be said by any speaker. If three people say variations on this, you are not learning anything new about life, or the speaker, or how the saying could affect your life. 

What you need are 1 A personal story or two. 2 A comment on the origin of the saying, and that it is now a metaphor or symbol. 3 A call to action. A summary ending with a powerful and decisive and specific call to action.

Football

What if you can't discuss it? The subject is football, about which you know nothing?

Once the topic was football. We had three equally good or bad similar speeches about the pleasures of watching football. But the winner was a man who knew nothing about football. 

He was passionately against it, and its dominating TV. He described how he had tried to have a meal out with his wife. The pubs were full of people watching football. The seats were full. The TV was noisy. The audience kept shouting. They tried a restaurant. The restaurant had brought in a TV, especially so the customers - and staff - could watch the match. The man ended up going home to eat. 

He ended by listing all the things he would rather do than watch football. The last one was having a meal in a restaurant without having football on the TV.

Labels: backside, Bruce Lee, call to action, chateau, contraception, football, French, lapel microphone, mute, personal story, sex, upside down, water, your greatest fault

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Labels: bra, bride, camp site, chateau, funeral, photographer, Queen Victoria, red, waiter, wedding, wedding colours, white

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